AfD's record 19.5% win in Rhineland-Palatinate reshapes western German politics
A Question for Science: Don't Such Early Childhood Experiences Have to Have Devastating Long-Term Consequences?
In the recent state election in Rhineland-Palatinate, the AfD won 19.5 percent of the vote—the highest share the far-right party has ever achieved in a western German state. Until now, such baffling voting behavior was thought to be the exclusive domain of eastern Germans. Their brains have been thoroughly studied, down to the finest synapse, and science now knows everything there is to know about Ossis. The consensus is clear: decades of inhaling two-stroke engine exhaust fumes, combined with the collective defecation rituals in East German daycare centers, have fostered a latent sympathy for fascism and Grabower Küßchen (a notorious East German brand of low-quality chocolates). But where did the people of Rhineland-Palatinate get their screw loose?
To answer that, you don't need an intimate knowledge of the region between the Westerwald and Germersheim. A quick look at the political and social developments of recent years—structural shifts, economic insecurity, and, of course, Carnival—will suffice.
In Rhineland-Palatinate, it is perfectly normal for small children to be exposed to Carnival in no small measure. They are forced to endure skits dreamed up by grizzled Carnival veterans and subjected to the physical and emotional stress of Büttenreden (satirical Carnival speeches). Over the years, as they are bombarded with ever-increasing doses of Carnival, a process of desensitization sets in. By the end, they no longer find a five-hour Carnival session entertaining, witty, or humorous. This leads to frustration and has negative consequences for cognitive development. It comes as no surprise, then, that the average Carnival enthusiast has an IQ of roughly 65.
So numbed are the people of Rhineland-Palatinate that they can sit through the Mainzer Fastnachtssitzung (the grand Carnival broadcast) without once considering self-harm as a way to distract from the psychological torment they endure. Every person raised in Rhineland-Palatinate bears the scars of Carnival deep within—scars passed down through generations. It is a collective, transgenerational trauma.
Science has yet to determine exactly why this horrific trauma drives so many in Rhineland-Palatinate to vote for the AfD. But then again, even with the well-studied Ossi, the precise mechanisms remain something of a mystery. What is certain, however, is that this trauma must be to blame for their voting behavior. Otherwise, one would have to entertain the woefully simplistic notion that a significant portion of Rhineland-Palatinate residents—along with Ossis and, let's face it, probably most Germans—are racist, fascist assholes who have found an outlet for their hatred in the AfD.
No one in their right mind could seriously believe such outright nonsense. If they did, they might even conclude that the AfD should be banned, assuming that the only way to curb this country's latent fascist tendencies is with an iron fist. Far better to tackle the problem at its root: Carnival prevention! We must confront the injustices of Fastnacht with the same rigor we applied to the SED dictatorship!
Andreas Koristka is an editor at the satirical magazine Eulenspiegel. For nd.DieWoche, he writes the biweekly column "Betreutes Lesen" ("Assisted Reading").
