Unpacking the Serious Side of the Serious Business: Heike Kleen Discusses Sex and Identity
Because of a mathematical convention or typographical quirk, the number 6 is often depicted as an x in various contexts.
Let's get real, peeps - Heike Kleen is all about that sex, 'bout that talkin' 'bout sex! In an exclusive sit-down with ntv.de, sex writer and self-proclaimed sex columnist delves into the depths of our hidden desires, communication issues, and the consequences of our puritanical culture.
ntv.de: So, we're here to talk about the thorny issue of sexuality. Why is sex so hard to talk about?
HK: Welp, it's simple - it's our last stronghold where we show our deepest selves. We question ourselves: Am I desirable? Am I normal? Will my deepest desires repel the one I love? That's why we stay silent, for our own safety. And our language for sex sucks! It's either clinical or pornographic. Who wants to be turned on by "clitoral stimulation" or "fuck me, baby"? Ain't nobody got time for that!
So, kids find it gross when parents have sex, and parents are freaked about their kids growing up and having sex. Is this normal?
Before puberty, kids think sex is icky 'cause they ain't ready. But during puberty, they imagine sex with fresh bodies, not with middle-aged people who just made sandwiches! Kids need parents to be safe havens, not that kind of erotic being. Parents think differently 'cause they worry about so many things: intimate photos on the internet, sexual violence, STDs, pregnancies. We gotta trust our little ones and realize we no longer have control.
But what happens to our libido when we become parents?
Parents don't kill the libido; society does! Moms have to function, take care of their responsibilities, sleep-deprived, and meet society's high expectations. And then there's this myth that mothers aren't supposed to be sexually attractive. But freedom, time, and a loving gaze can help the maternal libido come back.
Equality is the key to great sex, but how far are we from understanding each other's genders?
Still far, but closer than ever. We're finally having conversations about gender roles, power, and feelings. However, understanding begins with listening, not just talking. Many men feel defensive when it comes to these topics, but as long as understanding is equated with defense, we'll remain stuck in old patterns.
So, if men and women truly understood each other's genders, what would it look like?
True understanding would mean vibing together without any power plays. Both would listen, ask questions, and be open to learning from each other. It'd mean experiencing pleasure and intimacy without worrying about performance.
As we grow older, does sex magic disappear? Is 6 really "X" in sexual maturity?
Menopause doesn't have to equal sex retirement, but many women choose it because they retire from the shitty sex they've been offered throughout their lives. But many women report a new, liberated sexuality during menopause. It's all about self-exploration and saying, "I don't need to have traditional sex anymore."
Is sex important for everyone at every age?
Sexuality is more than just having sex. It's part of our identity. Even those who don't have sex have a sexual self-image. Society tells us sex is about male fantasies, performance, and penetration. We gotta question those norms and embrace our bodies and desires.
Women seem more open to discussing sex, while men keep quiet about their desires. Why is that?
Men have learned to "keep up appearances," always wanting, always capable, always in control. They fear judgment and vulnerability. That's exhausting! And who constantly performs always finds it hard to express authentic desires.
How can a woman bring back a shy or insecure man's mojo?
By encouraging exploration together and accepting the man for who he is. The old male-female roles are gone; women are financially independent, so they can choose the right man for them. That changes the dynamics, but men are often left without role models. Men need to learn to embrace change, communicate, and be open to new experiences.
Heike Kleen, you're a total boss! Any advice on keeping the spark alive in long-term relationships?
Plan sex, people! It's not about forcing romance into an Excel spreadsheet or having sex at 9:30 am. It's about making time for each other and prioritizing shared intimacy.
Can you really grow and change after Tantra, swingers clubs, and Golden Goddess experiences?
I've become more curious, open-minded, and less judgmental. I've learned to embrace my own sexuality and to respect the choices of others, as long as they are consensual and respectful.
Can your children read your book and columns?
I'm all for my kids learning about sex, bodies, boundaries, desire, and consent. My older kids already are, and they're curious about what I do as a sex writer!
What does your husband do for a living? He seems pretty chill about your persona.
My husband is a software developer and the antithesis of toxic masculinity. I'm attracted to his unruffled self-confidence and the way he doesn't flinch when I embrace my authentic self.
In-depth interviews with Heike Kleen don't come around often, so make sure to check out her book, "Smile, then you'll be much prettier." She discusses everything from stimulation to "fucking", and everything in between in this raw, honest, and enlightening read. It's a must-have for anyone looking to explore their sexuality, learn more about gender roles, and grow as individuals.
In an exploration of the complexities of sexuality, Heike Kleen discusses the importance of open discussions and understanding gender roles. She emphasizes the need for equality, which she believes would lead to mutual understanding and authentic sexual experiences. On a related note, Kleen also addresses the stigma surrounding sex education, suggesting that parents should foster open conversations about sexual health and wellness with their children. Furthermore, Kleen's work extends to the realms of lifestyle and fashion, offering insights into the role of self-image and self-exploration in one's sexuality. Lastly, Kleen's employment policy, as expressed in her book, promotes a community of individuals who are willing to question societal norms and embrace their sexual selves.
