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Relationship Aftermath: Unseen Financial Burdens of Overlooking Healing Processes Post-Splits

Disregard for negative feelings exaggerating focus on positive emotions, eventually causing disruptions

Zooming Past Healing Post-Breakups: Unseen Price Tags of Avoiding Emotional Processing
Zooming Past Healing Post-Breakups: Unseen Price Tags of Avoiding Emotional Processing

Relationship Aftermath: Unseen Financial Burdens of Overlooking Healing Processes Post-Splits

In the complex tapestry of human emotions, emotional intelligence emerges as a silent yet potent force that can hinder our personal growth and healing. This article aims to shed light on this phenomenon, its consequences, and the healthier alternatives that can lead to emotional maturity and resilience.

Emotional intelligence, often referred to as spiritual intelligence, is the process of using spiritual ideas or practices to avoid experiencing difficult personal emotions such as grief, anger, or fear. It involves sidestepping unfinished emotional business instead of facing and integrating feelings for healing and growth. The term 'spiritual intelligence' was first coined by psychotherapist John Welwood in his book Toward a Psychology of Awakening published in the 1980s.

Emotional intelligence can manifest in various ways, ranging from distracting oneself with social media, Netflix, or numbing one's emotions with substances like alcohol or drugs, to replacing uncomfortable emotions with positivity or joy, or ignoring them by keeping oneself preoccupied with other things. A common example can be seen in the aftermath of a breakup, where individuals tend to redirect their attention from uncomfortable emotions such as sadness, fear, anxiety, and anger.

The urge to bypass emotions often stems from the fear of vulnerability and the societal emphasis on moving on quickly as an indicator of emotional strength. However, suppressing emotions may cause an individual to dissociate from their internal emotional experiences, hindering other people's understanding of their emotional states and making it difficult to form social bonds.

Bypassing emotions doesn't actually make them go away, but can lead to a vicious cycle where unresolved emotional baggage continues to affect one's life. This cycle can lead to stunted emotional maturity, as it prevents the clarity, self-reflection, and emotional maturity that may arise from processing difficult emotions. It can also lead to people just pretending to be fine and downplaying their emotions to themselves and others, which can eventually lead to people being confused and distraught.

Delayed grief from suppressed emotions can resurface suddenly and in a higher intensity, potentially leading to depression, anxiety, emotional numbness, or a constant feeling of something being 'off'. Poor emotional regulation has been linked to psychological issues such as anxiety, depression, chronic stress, and mental disorders, as well as physical ailments like heart disease, cardiovascular issues, indigestion, and greater inflammation.

On the other hand, acknowledging emotions allows one to be okay with experiencing them, irrespective of whether they are positive or negative. This acceptance helps reduce their intensity and makes one gain control over them. Labelling emotions improves one's ability to understand them and gives them a name, which can help reduce their intensity. Processing emotions provides an opportunity for personal growth and self-discovery, building resilience and empathy.

Healing from a breakup involves the restoration of one's sense of self, inner well-being, purpose, harmony, and balance. This healing process requires dealing with negative emotions rather than ignoring them. Healthy alternatives to emotional intelligence involve processing emotions, understanding and managing them in a healthier manner, and learning from negative experiences for emotional growth.

In the words of Robert Frost, 'A Servant to Servants', the best way to overcome a problem is to confront it and pass all the way through it. This rings true in the context of emotional intelligence as well. Emotional intelligence disrupts the balance or harmony, as it overemphasizes positive emotions and dismisses negative ones. Accepting negative emotions allows one to be okay with them and makes them less severe and dangerous.

In conclusion, emotional intelligence, while a common coping mechanism, can hinder our personal growth and healing. Recognising and addressing emotions is a crucial step towards emotional maturity, resilience, and overall well-being.

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