Relationships occasionally face tough times, but happiest couples maintain these seven promises to smoothen the journey:

Relationships occasionally face tough times, but happiest couples maintain these seven promises to smoothen the journey:

Transforming Relationships: Actionable Goals for a Better Marriage or Partnership

Starting on any seemingly insignificant day, instead of waiting for an anniversary or the turn of a new year, take the leap towards a better marriage or relationship. It's these day-to-day commitments to change and growth that truly make a difference, not the calendar-oriented resolutions many of us find ourselves making.

While the effectiveness of annual resolutions may be questionable, the research is clear on the types of goals that lead to success in relationships. The key is to commit to specific, measurable, realistic, and personally meaningful goals.

So, forget the resolutions and empty promises. Here's how to set yourself up for real, lasting change:

1. Address your unconscious behaviors

To truly grow and evolve, start by taking a hard look at your own habits and behaviors. Identify your unhealthy coping mechanisms and maladaptive behaviors, and commit to making a change, one day at a time. These compulsive behaviors can eat away at everything you love, compromising your ability to achieve goals and be an open, loving partner.

Remember, the mantra "Keep coming back" in 12-step groups symbolizes the daily intention to stop. It's through this consistent effort that change occurs, not through magical solutions. There are countless organizations offering support, all you need is the intention and the will to put in the work.

2. Improve your media consumption

Television and social media can have a powerful impact on our moods and behaviors. While a little mindless entertainment is fine, be mindful of the dark, violent, and explicit series you consume as they can negatively impact your emotional state and waste significant amounts of your time.

On the flip side, the digital age offers a wealth of inspiring media to help you grow and evolve. Seek out podcasts, books, or series that speak to your interests and help you become a more loving, compassionate person. Oprah's SuperSoul Conversations and Neal Brennan's Blocks podcast are great starting points. Remember, there's no excuse for not making use of the amazing resources available to you.

3. Practice gratitude and loving kindness meditations

Learning to let go of judgment and allow yourself to feel emotions without criticism can have a profound effect on your brain and body. Daily gratitude practice helps break habitual thought patterns and allows emotions to surface that may have been buried in your unconscious.

Author and researcher, Dr. Kristin Neff, focuses on self-compassion in her practice of loving kindness meditation. This involves focusing on sending loving kindness to yourself and others, with the intent of eventually rewiring your brain and replacing negative thoughts and emotions.

Taking time each day to practice gratitude can be incredibly transformative. Instead of falling into the trap of unhealthy comparison, make a conscious choice to be grateful. You might even try writing gratitude letters to people who have made a positive impact in your life. Studies have shown that subjects who wrote these letters had significantly improved mental health after just 12 weeks.

4. Make your primary relationship your priority

Attachment theory, originated by Dr. John Bowlby and expanded upon by Dr. Mary Ainsworth, suggests that we form primary attachments with one caretaker as infants, which can impact our relationships later in life. As adults, we need to make our primary adult relationship a priority to keep it emotionally secure.

Researchers Shaver and Hazan found that adults also pair bond in lifetime relationships and have secure and insecure attachment styles. By putting your partner first and making your relationship the foundation for emotional support, financial stability, and shared experiences, you help maintain its emotional security.

5. Spend quality time together

Staying emotionally connected in long-term relationships requires effort. One-on-one time together allows you to stay connected, work through disagreements, and grow together. Established love may require more intention than new love, but it's worth the work.

6. Update your relationship intention

Defining your relationship's mission and vision early on can set the stage for a strong, lasting connection. Make a list of shared goals for how you want to grow, recreate, connect with others, and raise a family.

7. Cultivate spiritual centeredness

Spiritual growth involves understanding your purpose and connecting with your true self. Dedicate time to reading, meditation, and self-reflection to cultivate a deeper spiritual connection.

Remember, consistent intent and effort are key to achieving your relationship goals. Make a commitment to yourself and your partner to do your best each day, and hold each other accountable for your progress. Don't be afraid to seek the support of coaches, therapists, or mentors on your journey. The work may be challenging, but the rewards are well worth it.

[1][2][3][4][5] (Citations removed for brevity)

1. To ensure continuous growth and evolution, examine your own actions and habits, identifying unhealthy coping mechanisms and maladaptive behaviors, and commit to making a change, day by day.
2. Be mindful of the media you consume, as potentially negative influences can impact your emotional state and waste time. Look for resources such as podcasts, books, or series that foster personal growth and promote compassion.
3. Practice daily gratitude and loving-kindness meditations to break habitual thought patterns, allow emotions to surface, and potentially improve mental health.
4. Make your primary relationship a top priority to ensure emotional security, mirroring the importance of primary attachments from infancy.
5. Designate quality one-on-one time to stay emotionally connected, work through conflicts, and share experiences, understanding that effort is needed even in established relationships.
6. Clearly define your relationship's long-term vision and goals, providing a strong foundation for growth, personal development, and shared experiences.
7. Cultivate spiritual centeredness through reading, meditation, and self-reflection, fostering a deeper understanding of your purpose and a connection to your true self. Consistent effort and intent are crucial for achieving your relationship goals, so hold yourself and your partner accountable, and don't hesitate to seek guidance from coaches, therapists, or mentors.

Read also: